1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other—about your frustrations, about sex, about anger, about disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of life, about everything. 2. Strive to work together to solve anything that comes up -- be a team, a partnership. Don't get stuck on who's right or wrong. Focus on what will solve the problem.
3. Keep your connection going through communication, sex, affection, understanding and concern for each other.
4. Have a sense of humor; give the benefit of the doubt, care about each other.
When your relationship lasts for a while, your lovemaking will change. As you get closer, passion no longer grows automatically out of the excitement of the new and unknown.
Rather than allowing your energy to subside, you can allow your lovemaking to change and grow, deepening as your partnership does. Couples who develop a"sexual repertoire which includes a variety of sexual habits, attitudes and options report feeling more satisfaction and freedom to express their love with enough variety that they never get bored. These suggestions will help you create a variety of experiences together.
Quickies: These are ways you have sex when you don't really have time for a full, leisurely romantic evening: One of you giving oral sex before you leave for work, petting to climax in the car at a drive-in movie, using vibrators to have orgasms without a lot of foreplay late at night, taking a nap and having a "quickie" before rushing off to a party.
Sneaky Sex: This has the added excitement of "forbidden fruit" -- having silent sex behind locked doors while the children are watching TV, sneaking lovemaking in your childhood bedroom while visiting your parents, visiting your partner at work and having quickie sex on the couch in a locked office.
Romantic Sex: This is the full-blown variety: candlelight, dinner, quiet talking, dressing up, perhaps a lovely hotel room, or a romantic dinner for two when you have time alone at home. Especially good for anniversaries, Valentine's Day, or anytime your relationship needs a boost.
New Couple Sex: Recreate a scene from your dating days, as closely as possible -- the time you met at church and couldn't wait to get home and make love, the flowers you used to bring home as a surprise, or saying all the silly, wildly in-love things you said then.
Making-up Sex: After you've had an argument or a struggle, and forgiven each other, lovemaking can be extra tender and memorable.
Comforting Sex: When one of you is sad or stressed, the other is especially caring and soothing, doing all your favorite things to comfort and relax you.
Relaxing Sex: This is the kind to do on a weekend morning, when you have no obligations, and can laze around, have breakfast in bed, and make love for as long as you want; no pressure, no hurry and no demands on each other.
Reassuring Sex This is affection and intimacy intended to reassure a partner who is temporarily insecure, or designed to reaffirm your mutual love and commitment to each other. It is often accompanied by many verbal declarations of love and explaining again why you are so important to each other.
Fantasy Sex: Act out all the silly, forbidden or exciting fantasies -- nurse and patient, two little children "playing house", master or dominatrix and slave, stripper and customer, extraterrestrial alien and abductee, famous movie star and adoring fan, your two favorite characters from a soap opera, novel or movie, or anything else you can imagine. This is a great time for costumes, masks, sexual toys, leather outfits, or whatever enhancements you enjoy.
(Tina Tessina, Ph.D.)
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